Burayidi Weekly News 11/12/18

1. Uber has invested $23.4 million to build flying taxis in France. If successful, Uber is requesting the country of France to repay the company in fresh croissants. 

2. WeWork opened an elementary school, called WeGrow, which teaches math, science, yoga, farming, and gentrification. 

3. A Florida woman brought meth to her doctor’s office to have it tested for purity, then admitted to using if for a month. After a few hits on a glass pipe, the doctor confirmed that the substance was indeed meth. 

4. Connecticut’s Department of Consumer Protection lost $300,000 dollars' worth of equipment that taxpayers bought during a move to a different building. The department is blaming it on its knucklehead friends that helped it move. 

5. In Florida, a raccoon got a soup can stuck on its head. The soup can was found to be from the brand Wolfgang Stuck. 

6. More than 20,000 Comcast customers in Massachusetts may be getting a check as the company agrees to settle allegations of deceptive advertising. Customers were told they would be provided intriguing thought-provoking television shows but were actually provided 200 channels of grown adults judging each other based on clothing, voice quality, or dancing ability. 

7. BenShot, a Wsconsin glassmaking company, gave all their employees handguns for Christmas. Bullets will be distributed to the employees based on their end of the year review. 

8. A Minnesota family welcomed a baby girl born on 11/11 at 11:11 PM. The family has narrowed the choice of names to Millie, Bobby, or Brown. 

9. A Santa Ana McDonald’s manager was beaten and choked by a woman who was upset over missing ketchup packets. Police have their fingers crossed that the woman received all of 20 of her chicken nuggets. 

10. Two employees from Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport’s environmental team found two bone fossils believed to be more than 11,000-years-old, just in time for Thanksgiving soup. 

11. A feud over Campbell’s Soup future could break up the 149-year old company. The feud is based on the age-old question of “Chicken noodle or chicken and stars?” 

12. Kellogg may say goodbye to Famous Amos and Keebler cookies so it can focus on “core” parts of the company like poisoning the youth by putting carcinogens in breakfast food. 

13. For 10 years, a chemical not EPA approved called HaloSan, was put into a South Carolina city’s drinking water. Luckily the addition of the chemical to the water was stopped before anyone had to say ByeSon. 

14. Vancouver police are searching for the owner of an urn that was left at Goodwill. According to Goodwill the company only wants dead fashion styles, not the actual dead. 

Burayidi Weekly News 11/5/18

1. A Burger King worker in Virginia also escorts customers to their cars. Although a very good deed, this is not the first time a Burger King employee also worked as an escort.

2. The world’s largest cruise ship, Royal Caribbean’s Symphony of the Seas, docked in Florida. Which confused all the passengers because they thought they were already in Florida.

3. An Arkansas woman has been accused of embezzling $83,000 from a kids PeeWee Sports Club. It should be noted that the club is comprised of 300 kids who wear throwback-authentic-jerseys.

4. Police in North Hollywood arrested a man suspected of pulling wigs off Orthodox Jewish women. The suspect stated he was originally going to do it to black women but then came to his senses and realized he wasn’t “about that life”.

5. Californians voted to end Daylight Savings Time. The result of the vote became official at 8 o’clock… or maybe 9 o’clock.

6. A 69-year-old Dutchman wants the courts to legally make him 20-years-old in order to improve his chances with women on dating apps. The courts have denied his request on account of his face.

7. Dubai police have started training on flying motorbikes. Not because it’s helping them catch criminals but just to make people feel like they need to go to Dubai.

8. Netflix is launching a new series in Spanish and Norwegian and believe that they may play well in America too. And when they say America, they mean Spain and Norway.

9. Disney has announce its new streaming service will be called Disney+. The other options for names were Disney-, Disneyx, and Disney➗.

10. Sears has picked 40 more stores to close by next spring to save the company. The CEO of Sears released a statement thanking everyone for pretending like the company isn’t going to close for forever.

11. Toshiba has announced plans to cut 7,000 jobs as part of a new five-year-strategy to have 7,000 less workers.

12. Nevada became the 10th state to eliminate a ‘pink tax’ on menstrual products. One state resident stated it was the '“Best amendment ever made. Period.”

13. Researchers at Oxford University found “meat taxes” would save many lives, cut health care costs, and give vegans a new angle.

14. Research presented at the NCRI Cancer Conference in Glasgow found that women who are early risers have lower risk of breast cancer. It also found that women are willing to take the risk.

Burayidi Weekly News 10/29/18

1. KFC has committed $11,000 to the college fund of parents who named their child Harland, which is Colonel Sanders’ first name. KFC released a statement saying it will most likely not have to pay the parents because parents that name their kid Harland just to win a contest probably aren’t sending their kid to college.  

2. Coca-Cola's CEO says the company has no plans for cannabis drinks, but if they did it would be sold by the fluid ounce. 

3. The United States has restricted Chinese company Fujian Jinhua Integrated Circuit Company from buying components from American companies without a special license. In response, China is forcing the US to have a special license in order to import toys, shirts, grills, remote controls, car parts, combs, tables, plastic cups, and eating utensils. 

4. Apple introduced its new iPad Pro, which is 15% slimmer than its predecessor and no longer features a headphone jack or Home button. The presenter ended the event by acknowledging that the company is taking features away and has every intention of charging loyal customer’s more money. 

5. The 17 best Christmas markets were published online with Strasbourg, France being #1 and Munsterplatz, Switzerland being #17. Surprisingly left off the list was the North Pole. 

6. The world’s largest producer of green stones has unearthed a 5,655 carat, 1.1-kilogram emerald crystal at its mines in Zambia. It has been estimated that based on the size of the emerald the company can make between 150 to 200 ring pops. 

7. The entire abandoned town known as Lake Waitaki Village in New Zealand is on sale for $2.8 million by a group of people who paid absolutely nothing for it because they stole it.  

8. In New Mexico, firefighters gave away 300 Halloween costumes to families in need. Guaranteeing at least 300 children would be dressed up like a fire fighter. 

9. A dentist at a Colorado elementary school performed dental work on the wrong student. The only thing more shocking than the mix-up in patients is the fact that the elementary school has an in-school dentist. 

10. A Louisiana fire chief’s wife was arrested for stealing over $225,000 dollars from her husband’s fire district. The fire chief stated he was “happy the authorities were able to put out the financial fire.” 

11. An in-school hydroponic farm is providing leafy greens for student lunches at Menasha High School in Wisconsin. The high school has been able to incorporate the leafy greens into all the dishes with the student’s favorite items being leafy green-tater tots, leafy green-corn dogs, and leafy green-chicken nuggets. 

12. A baggage handler fell asleep in the cargo hold of a Piedmont Airlines plane in Kansas City and woke up in Chicago. The baggage handler said the accidental trip he took was uncomfortable but still better than any flight he ever took with United Airlines. 

13. About 50 employees were laid off at the University of Oklahoma. Students have not been informed what employees were laid off but their fingers are crossed that their weekly quiz is cancelled. 

14. A New Mexico man is claiming his dog accidentally shot him while they were out hunting for jackrabbits. For the most part the dog has stayed silent on the matter but did want to acknowledge that his owner is a snitch.

Burayidi Weekly News 10/22/18

1. Starbucks has opened its first American Sign Language (ASL) store in Washington, DC. Making absolutely no impact on the deaf people who use Spanish Sign Language.

2. A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association Network Open found that not exercising is worse for a person’s health than smoking, diabetes, and heart disease. It should be noted that the research was done by a diabetic, chain smoker, who’s about to have a heart attack.

3. In Florida, a substitute elementary school teacher was removed from school grounds after he brought a gun to school. The substitute teacher stated it was the only thing that made him feel safe at an elementary school.

4. In New York, a postal carrier is being charged after allegedly tossing mail into the woods. Which is slightly worse than when the postal carrier purposely puts people’s mail in wrong mailbox.

5. A Las Vegas restaurant is using Facebook to find a thief. The restaurant has posted the security tape and if anyone recognizes the thief they should @him in the comments.

6. The U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers intercepted a shipment containing 6 pounds of liquid heroin packaged in shampoo bottles earlier this month. Officers realized there was drugs in the bottles after using the Pert Plus and noticing it had a little too much plus.

7. In Oklahoma, $4.4 million dollars worth of liquid meth was found in a semi-trucks diesel tank. Authorities are resting easy tonight knowing they’ve stopped thousands of people’s teeth from falling out of their mouth.

8. Tap is a new phone app that displays nearby clean drinking water in locations like restaurants or retail store so people will stop buying bottled water. Tap’s rival app has been released and it’s called LEAD.

9. McDonald’s has added its first new breakfast sandwich in 5 years called the Triple Breakfast Stacks. McDonald’s is now working on its next sandwich Quadruple Bypass Heart Attack Stacks.

10. Dunkin’ has announced it has installed better expresso equipment, has an improved expresso recipe, and a new expresso cup. However, Dunkin’ wants to reassure its customers that the customer service will continue to be slightly below average.

11. Welch’s is now gearing its advertisements towards Gen X men after ignoring that demographic in years prior. Welch’s decided to target the Gen X men after its analysts determined that the men were ready for that jelly.

12. The United Kingdom group Action on Salt found that burgers made from meat substitutes contained on average more salt per serving than real beef burgers, leaving vegans and vegetarians everywhere salty.

13. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved Xofluza, the first new flu drug in nearly 20 years. The FDA released a statement saying that it’s only coincidental that the only other flu medication just lost its patent 2 years ago.

14. The Ocean Cleanup foundation launched the world’s first ocean cleanup system out of San Francisco by placing a 2,000 footlong floating pipe with a net attached to it in the ocean. No word yet on how the foundation plans on ridding the ocean of 2,000 footlong floating pipe.

Burayidi Weekly News 10/15/18

1. Last week, the world’s longest flight, 10,400 miles from Singapore to Newark, New Jersey landed. Passengers all agreed the flight went well and the only bad part was the fact that the plane landed in New Jersey.

2. Emgality is the latest migraine drug that stops migraines before they begin. It works by making it easier to ignore people who are standing way too close and talking way too loud.

3. A 71-year-old woman found a 2.63-carat diamond at Arkansas’s Crater of Diamonds State Park which is what’s supposed to happen when someone visits a state park called Crater of Diamonds.

4. A Missouri man was arrested after allegedly posting a video showing people how to remove an ankle monitor and by posting the video, also showed people how to not get away with removing your ankle monitor.

5. Spiders have infested the Chicago Transit Authorities’ trains angering all the passengers that actually pay for their ride.

6. Kleenex is rebranding its ‘mansize’ tissues as ‘extra large’ after realizing men having bigger noses doesn’t increase the size of the snot.

7. Apple will be hosting a mystery product event on October 30th which may or may not involve wooden sticks, candy corn, and caramel.

8. A collaborative report published by the Natural Resources Defense Council showed that 23 out of 25 of the top US burger chains were given grades of ‘Ds’ and ‘F’s when they were graded on the amount of antibiotics they use in their beef, but were given ‘As’ on the likelihood eating the burger would cure a person’s strep throat.

9. A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that nearly 800 dietary supplements contained unapproved drug ingredients. The study actually found that apple cider vinegar was contains little to no apple cider.

10. Netflix now has 137 million subscribers and 1 billion people who know a person with a Netflix password.

11. A report released by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety’s Highway Loss Data Institute found that states that have legalized recreational weed use have not seen an increase in car accidents involving fatalities but have seen more crashes overall. The majority of the crashes involve two cars colliding at speeds of up to 2 miles per hour.

12. In Norway, Europe’s first underwater restaurant is almost complete. Every entree will come with bread, salad, and a life-vest.

13. A 50-pound nose was stolen off a Portland family’s porch. The family has requested to be contacted if anyone knows or knows someone who knows the whereabouts of the nose.

14. An Illinois man has grown the state’s largest pumpkin weighing 1,510 pounds and plans on using the pumpkin to make himself a lifetime supply of pumpkin spice.