Burayidi Weekly News 1/7/19

  1. The Birmingham Civil Rights Institute in Alabama rescinded an award for political activist Angela Davis after finding out she’s still being a political activist.

  2. The monarch butterfly population in California has plummeted 86% this past year. The moth population in California is unknown because nobody cares about moths.

  3. Disneyland raised prices ahead of the new Star Wars land opening, forcing parents everywhere to tell their kids, “This isn’t the family vacation you were looking for.”

  4. In North Carolina, a man chased a woman into a karate studio. Which led to his blood getting waxed on and waxed off of his face.

  5. A Philadelphia store owner gave away 89 prom dresses to families in need of an excuse to rent a limousine.

  6. A new Massachusetts bill could protect state residents from identity theft. The bill will require residents to keep four leaf clovers in their socks.

  7. Virginia police are investigating a possible meth lab on airport property. Police were called in after thousands of teeth were found on the airport runway.

  8. The Milwaukee community area surprised a local bakery owner with a new car in hopes of no longer having deliveries of stale bread.

  9. A 21-year-old Nebraska woman lost $3,000 after meeting a “sugar daddy” online and was left with a sour taste in her mouth.

  10. An SUV that crashed into a Michigan home left a couple looking for a place to stay and a brand new Florida room.

  11. In Las Vegas, foodies say they got scammed by a fake food festival called Captain Crab’s Crab Feed. Foodies stated that “This shrimp don’t add up and the festival organizers are full of carp.”

  12. In Australia, more than 3,000 beach goers were stung by jelly fish. Ain’t that a beach!

  13. Saudi women will now be notified of divorce by a text message to their phone. First driving, now divorce texts, next thing you know they’ll get to have opinions.

  14. The annual AirlinesRating.com list of world’s safest airlines was released. Number three is All Nippon, number two is Quanta, and number one is Air Jordan.

Burayidi Weekly News 12/31/18

1 . Ireland has criminalized emotional abuse with new domestic violence laws. Citizens have described the new laws as stupid, not likely to achieve anything, and not liked by anyone. #ireland #emotional abuse #laws 

2. A Texas baby weighed nearly 15 lbs. at birth, breaking the hospital record and its scale. #baby #Texas #scale 

3. 11,000 lbs. of Zeigler Red Hots sausage products were recalled because they may contain metal. Now “Red” represents the color of the sausage and a person’s mouth after the metal pierces it.  

4. According to addiction specialists, three of the most addictive substances in the world are heroin, cocaine, and Double Stuffed Oreos. #heroin #cocaine #oreos 

5. A study from EClinicalMedicine found the link between social media depression is stronger in teen girls than teen boys due to lower expectations of boys to be able to twerk. #socialmedia #depression #twerk 

6. Breaking news! Hiring surged in December, with employers adding 312,000 jobs. Also breaking news! Work call-outs surged in December, with employees not caring about the job they started 2 weeks ago. #jobs 

7. The US has vowed to help Colombia reduce acreage for cocaine production by 2023 or even 2022, depending on how good the coke is. #colombia #usa #cocaine #coke 

8. A man plans on walking every block in New York City with the help of a trust-fund, privilege, and gentrification. #privelege #gentrification #trustfund 

9. A Michigan man was charged with attaching a GPS to his ex-girlfriend's car to try to stalk her. The man is claiming he was stalking the car and his ex-girlfriend just happens to drive it. #stalking #gps 

10. A 7-year-old Ohio boy collected and delivered 3,000 socks for the homeless, which is enough to get one homeless man through the winter. #socks #homeless #winter 

11. This past week, a man was arrested for stealing toilet parts from Queens fast food restaurants, which explains why the man’s bathroom smells like a Whopper. #whopper #BK #McDonalds 

12. In Kentucky, a Krispy Kreme vehicle caught on fire. Fortunately, there was only a person inside, no donuts. #krispykreme #donuts #fire 

13. An Oklahoma man fired a gun into a Taco Bell after he didn’t get the sauce he wanted but followed that up by saying “please”, so all is forgiven. #tacobell #sauce #oklahoma

14. A Mississippi man accidentally received 48 diamond bracelets in the mail and plans on returning the items once he gets his Instagram followers up. #floss #diamonds #instagram 

Burayidi Weekly News 12/24/18

1. This past week, JCPenney stock fell bellow $1 a share, forcing the company to be called JC and a Penney. #jcpenney

2. Luckin Coffee is challenging Starbucks in the Chinese coffee market because of attention to detail, hard work, and throw a little Luckin in there too. #starbucks #luckin

3. A video posted on social media showed five high school cheerleaders bullying a classmate. The cheerleaders forced the girl to hand over her “Give me a ‘M’ give me an ‘O’ give me a ‘N’ give me an ‘E’ give me a ‘Y’!

4. In Wisconsin, counterfeit money was found in a Salvation Army’s kettles and after further investigation, Salvation was found to be a counterfeit Army. #salvation army

5. In Atlanta, a video caught a bus driving erratically through the city. The driver of the bus has now been offered a position by the New York Transit Authority. #mta #nycmayor @billdeblasio

6. A Florida woman has been accused of robbing a USPS mailman with a plastic gun. The woman was caught after using coupons for every item on her grocery list.

7. In North Carolina, a Doritos bag from 1979 was found along a nature trail and unfortunately no crumbs were left in the bag. #doritos

8. A transformer explosion in Queens caused New York’s skyline to turn blue. New Yorkers everywhere took a moment to appreciate the sight then became enraged about how it would affect their morning commute.

9. California has abandoned plans to tax text messages after realizing everything goes down in the DMs. #california

10. The United Health Foundation released a report ranking Hawaii as the healthiest state, ranking Louisiana as the least healthy state, and ranking Kentucky as the not unhealthy just big boned state. #uhf

11. More than 164,000 pounds of ground turkey were recalled. No recalls have been ordered for sky turkeys. #turkeys

12. Japan suffered its biggest natural population decline ever in 2018 because robots can’t get pregnant #japan

13. Chinese bike-sharing startup Ofo is now global and drivers everywhere would like the bikes to get Ofo the road. #ofo

14. Buffalo Wild Wings is getting a major redesign. Each restaurant will now have 100 flat screen televisions and 4 stools. #buffalowildwings

Burayidi Weekly News 12/17/18

1.This past week, A Florida man stole a foot-long sub sandwich from a Marathon Gas Station. The man’s wife later informed police that it was only six inches.

2. A Zimbabwean activist has created a petition that calls on Disney to drop its ‘Hakuna Matata’ trademark “for the rest of its days!”

3. Due to lagging cereal and snack sales, General Mills is leaning into pet food and so far, it smells terrible.

4. An Arizona man who was arrested for stealing chainsaws ended up lighting his hospital bed on fire. The man was hospitalized after authorities realized nobody in their right mind needs more than one chainsaw.

5. A Salvation Army bell ringer was issued an arrest warrant after being accused of stealing $600 from a woman’s wallet and for breaking the city’s noise ordinance.

6. In Milwaukee, bed bug complaints at senior apartments are under investigation. So far, the bed bugs have kept their mouths shut unless their biting people while they sleep.

7. A police department in Michigan is pulling people over and giving them gifts of money to spread Christmas cheer and rid the department of all its laundered money.

8. An inmate at a New Orleans jail fell through the ceiling during an attempt to escape and is glad that even though he’s in jail he’s breaking ceilings.

9. According to a study published in the journal Neurology, just 6 months of walking may reverse cognitive decline and 6 months of light jogging will get you an SAT score of 1600.

10. Pharmaceutical companies Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline are combining to make a new company and hope to make medications that are beneficial in the short run and harmful in the long run.

11. The US surgeon general issued an advisory on teen use of e-cigarettes saying, “he just got off the phone with chief and chief said e-cigarettes ain’t it.”

12. The National Weather Service said the bright light spotted over California was likely a meteor, or comet, or asteroid, or Pluto.

13. A Pennsylvania man faces 211 total charges after a burglary spree which doesn’t include the pen he stole from his lawyer’s office.

14. In North Carolina, a soldier popped out of a gift box to surprise his kids with his early return for Christmas and after hearing all the screams, went into a PTSD psychosis.

Burayidi Weekly News 12/10/18

1. A teacher in California is facing charges after forcibly cutting a student’s hair. The majority of the charges stem from the hair cut being so 2015.

2. Two nuns in California embezzled nearly $500,000 from their church school. Which explains why their wimples were always so wavy.

3. A Florida man was arrested by police after allegedly punching an infant with a closed fist. Police say all this could have been avoided had the man just used an open fist.

4. Delta has changed the way fliers board planes. First will be Premium select passengers, then zones 1 to 3 passengers, followed by zone 4 passengers who have seats reserved on the plane’s wings

5. A Florida man was arrested for shoplifting at Kohl’s after interviewing for a job, then hired by the company for showing enthusiasm for the merchandise.

6. A volunteer fire fighter in Pennsylvania charged with arson admitted to setting houses on fire because he was bored and believed he could have done a better job if the department hired him full-time.

7. In Akron Ohio, thieves posing as volunteers allegedly stole donations from a Toys for Tots drive. Police ask that locals be on the lookout for two grown men on a tricycle traveling at high speeds.

8. A California man was rescued after being stuck on a restaurant roof for two days and he now understands that the drinks were not literally on the house.

9. Two thieves stole $2,000 worth of exotic birds by stuffing them up their sleeves. Safe to say the thieves were chirping all the way to the bank.

10. Pope Francis removed 3 cardinals from his inner circle. The process involved the cardinals giving back their Jesus piece chains.

11. An Irish city spent $7,000 polishing door handles for the United Kingdom Royal family visit. As a sign of gratitude, the royal family will make sure to not notice.

12. Fashion brands including Stella McCartney and Burberry have united to fight climate change by making clothing with better ventilation.

13. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has confirmed that fentanyl is the deadliest drug in America. They also confirmed that lemons are more sour than limes.

14. According to an article published in the British Medical Journal, crosswords and puzzles do not prevent mental decline but do effectively highlight lack of mental ability.